The Olympics Bore Me

Today a friend posted on Facebook that she can't stand the Olympics. As expected, everyone gave her a hard time and disagreed. They all proclaimed their undying affection and love for the games. I'm totally confident that my readers will say they too love watching the skating or skiing or something like that.

The Olympics is just another one of those things that makes me an alien to society. I don't like anything the average American likes. Like the show LOST. Everyone loves it. Me? Boring! Gilligan's Island was way better! Everyone loves Lady Gaga - hello, she is sooooo lame. America loves Uggs, not me. I don't care about movies like The Hangover or Superbad.

Yeah, so I gotta tell ya, since like the late '80s, I've had zero interest in watching America attempt to beat these other countries. Zilch, zero, non, nada. Who cares? The yelling from the announcers. The dumb judges. The repetitive commercials like the one with that Trainspotting song - dude, so like15 years ago... The intense media blitz. It's all a total snooze-fest to me... It may be that because I'm just not interested in sports at all, these big sporting events are painful to me. I don't give a crap about The Superbowl (just an excuse for me to eat wings) or The World Series. NASCAR is totally retarded. Yes, I am among a rare minority. I get that this is part of the All-American lifestyle -- spectator sports.

Every four years, I dread the Olympics. It seems like it's on 24-7 for a gazillion weeks. My husband keeps the channel locked and fixates on the skiers, snowboarders and those dudes that lay on their backs and go down that insane alpine slide thingie. I know what it's called but refuse to say it. The word reminds me of the word "loogie". Loogie has to be the grossest word ever. My little brother loved saying it when he was a kid. "Ally, I just hacked up a looooogie!"

There was one time in my life when I actually loved these games. Just one time. It was the summer Olympics, 1984 and Mitch Gaylord was this amazingly hot gymnast. Sure, I was only 12, but wowzas was he yummy! I loved watching him jump on those bars and do those flips. He was so awesome at it. I couldn't believe the way he always landed perfectly. His body straight with his arms out-stretched. I hated how in grammar gym class they'd make us run and jump on that horse bench thing. I could never do it. I was too chubby to lift my 80-pound-body up with just my wrists.

Anyway, I thought about him the other day. My uncle made us all watch the opening ceremonies. Something I haven't sat through in about 20 years. I joked with my cousin that I was a big Mitch Gaylord fan. I told him that I knew with a name like Gaylord, he couldn't actually be gay. We looked him up on Wikipedia to see what he's been up to and if there was any mention of him having a partner. Turns out, he's on his second marriage and has kids. Not that it would matter if he was gay - I just think it would have been kinda too obvious... a gymnastics guy having last name of Gaylord being gay. Too cliche, ya know?

Maybe I should write Mitch a letter or email letting him know he was the only aspect about the Olympics that I have ever cared about. Wonder if that would be insulting or flattering? Hmmf.