I'm still in Florida with my mom and grandmother. I honestly have no desire to return home, though I miss my husband of course. He seems anxious for me to fly home, but they're getting snow up in New Jersey, it's cold and nobody has emailed me regarding my resume. Like I just feel as if I have nothing to return home to. Hubs is working, which is great, but I'm lonely and I'm loving not wearing a winter coat as well as catching up with my God father, aunt and cousins.
At the moment I'm at my aunt and uncle's and have finally gotten online for a few minutes -- I do miss the internet and seriously miss blogging. I miss commenting on your posts and responding to your comments.
Today my mom had to run an errand so it was up to me to get Grandma ready for the day. It was such a weird feeling, such a role reversal. [More about that here] It brought me back to my childhood when Grandma would help us get dressed and make me the most delicious scrambled eggs ever. She didn't remember those days which I knew she wouldn't, but I mentioned it any way.
Grandma's scrambled eggs were better than any other scrambled eggs I had ever had. They didn't have cheese, or veggies or meat in them. There weren't any herbs or spices or honestly anything special mixed in with the egg. It was seriously just a buttered pan with egg and milk. Grandma's scrambled eggs were never brown. I remember saying, "Don't make them brown, Grandma." Brown meant the way eggs get crispy when you leave them in one spot too long. You need to keep the eggs moving in the pan and keep an eye on them. I never liked my eggs runny -- still don't. She used just the right amount of milk, salt, pepper and butter.
Today, I scrambled one egg for her as best as I could. That egg looked just like Grandma used to make for me. Not brown. Not runny. Just perfect. She enjoyed it and complimented me. I felt sad. I showed her the clothing Mom picked out for her to wear today. I remembered her zipping me up and swatting my four-year-old bum lovingly. She would button my coat and pull my hood tight before we headed outside. Why does it feel so weird to be the one making sure Grandma's zipped, buttoned and ready for the world?
I hope some day someone is there to scramble me an egg and button me up. :(
It's a role reversal that no one is comfortable with...believe me! When I visit my Dad at the nursing home and I have to tell him not to wipe his nose on the table cloth or I wipe his hands and face after the meal...it still seems strange to me. I'm not comfortable with it, but there's no choice. I keep having to remind myself of the way he used to be. I don't think I want to get old...or at least that old. I don't want my kids to have to worry about me. That's a big fear.
ReplyDeleteMy grandma passed away about 12 or 13 years ago (I forget the math because it STILL doesn't seem like she should be gone). Anyway she had brain cancer, and before she died she needed a lot of care. Since I was a CNA at the time, everyone thought I should do the job. I tried. I really did. My grandma was such a strong woman though. I just couldn't do it. I couldn't help her take a shower or help her with the other personal things. It was hard enough to try to cook for her. Although she thought everything was fine, it just wasn't like what she could make. Like Betty said, it's a role reversal that is hard to be comfortable with.
ReplyDeleteI do believe in karma, and I'm sure there will be someone to make your eggs just right, when you need them to.
Oh,honey,hang in there. This is a way of paying her back a little bit for all the love and care she gave you. I'm glad you were able to make her those eggs just the same way. *BIG HUGS*
ReplyDeleteI oft feel the same way! Touching post.. lovely memory!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad your enjoying your time with her ☺
Aion
Hey, be proud that you're doing it - my grandparents are long gone but I'm fairly sure that when my parents get to that stage I will not be able to do those things for them.
ReplyDeleteMy grandmother used to make me the best olive and tomatoe salad - I miss her a lot.
ReplyDeleteI'm jealous - I want to be in Florida!
Kitty x
I've written and deleted about five things.... Nothing seemed to match the sentiment of this post.... I think the post speaks for itself and you've said it perfectly! This was a lovely post.... Cherish the time you get with her and those memories!
ReplyDeleteYAY!! got my 4th grade fix!! Big fan of omelets!
ReplyDeleteOh Ally, this tugged on my heart strings. So much. I miss my grandmother more than anything. You are such a sweetheart for doing that for her. I mean it. She knows it too, and I am sure she enjoyed that egg more than you know.
ReplyDeletexoxox
Great post!
ReplyDeleteIt's definitely tough thinking that you have become the supporter rather than the one who is being supported. I had a similar situation in my family and it was definitely a little sad. I guess it's all part of life as tough as it is. I know what you mean with the scrambled eggs too. My friends mom used to make macaroni and I thought it was really good and something tasted so different about it. My mom asked her if she did anything different to it and she said honestly it was just jarred or canned tomato sauce and pasta. Of course, I loved my mom's the best but when something is different but still really good you want to know what the heck they do to it. So knowing that it was just plain and simple is sort of like the scrambled eggs...they were awesome but maybe it was just because she had that extra special touch.
ReplyDeleteWow, that was a great post. I still have moments where I think about my mom and dad and wish I still had time with them in my life. Hold strong to your memories and enjoy the time you have with your Grandmom. Keep telling her the stories. She may not remember them but she will love hearing them!
ReplyDeleteMy Thoughts...
This is such a lovely post and so true. It is really hard sometimes to watch people who have always been strong suddenly need help and become frail. I am watching my gran in the same situation and it can be heartbreaking on occasions. I miss my strong sharp granny.
ReplyDeleteKate xx
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ReplyDeleteIt must be you week for awards, because I just nominated you for two more!! Nice post.
ReplyDelete