My Sinful Career Choice At Age 12

Yet another Catholic school horror story 
for your reading pleasure.

In this post on Wednesday, I promised to fill you in on this horrible forced career discussion I had with a fifth grade nun. Here ya go...

Eighth grade was a monumental year. As a Catholic school kid it meant graduation and confirmation. Big and exciting changes for a kid. Part of the confirmation process required each kid to survive an interview with an assigned random teacher. I was sent to speak with a 70-year-old fifth grade nun, Sr. Frances Dorothy.

I was sweaty and nervous. Sitting on a hard, creaking wooden chair next to her hulking metal desk, I tugged on my black snug-fitting polyester uniform skirt. Sitting meant the skirt would rise a bit above my knee and I dreaded her putrid frown. I did my best to brush off and flatten my goldenrod button-down blouse and hideous skirt-matching black polyester vest. No lie, I looked like a fat bumblebee. Only I wasn't  young and adorable like that little bumblebee girl in the Blind Melon video.

Not quite as cute in my yellow and black school uniform.

She rattled off several standard questions, which I answered as best I could. Things were going rather smoothly until we hit upon a question I wan't quite prepared for. "Have you thought about your future? What career path do you see yourself following?" Lady, I'm 12 -- I had late birthday syndrome making me younger than my classmates. What the hell kind of question is that? 

Sitting as straight as I could--posture was important to nuns--I told her the truth. We were taught as Christians that lying was a sin. It was always a no-win for me. My truths always got me detention. Kinda like the time I got busted for fessing up to forging Alfred's mom's signature on his failing quiz to protect him from getting in trouble -- the things we do for love.  

I longed to be a television actress. I felt movies would be too difficult to land, but maybe the chubby sidekick on a show or cute high school guy's younger sister. Ya know, like Tracey Gold in Growing Pains? I was going to make it. I attended Hofstra University's summer drama camp that past summer. I had talent. Not. 

I'd be happy just playing the chubby sidekick.

I blurted out my career plans as Sr. Frances remained still and tight-lipped. She cleared her throat and began to tell me how my career choice was sinful. It was a selfish world filled with money, backstabbing and booze. She reprimanded me and suggested I do some serious soul searching and find a more respectable career like nursing or teaching. 

Flustered and panicked, I began defending myself saying I would make large donations to Catholic charities. I told her many celebrities like Oprah and Bill Cosby help others. She didn't want to hear another word about it. The subject was changed and she shooed me out of her classroom. 

If Sr. Frances was alive today, I'd like to tell her I had four children's books published, but guess what? She'd be disappointed that they were all about, gasp, CELEBRITIES. Hey, if you can't be one, write about one. Right?

Thirsty for more tales from an EIGHTH grade nothing? Here's a diary entry from back in the day. Bonus picture of what I looked like that year. Ick.